Outtake “Mei Ren’s Smile is Also Alluring 1 Cohabitation”
[1] 校草: school grass. Flower (校花) refers to female beauties. The grass refers to handsome males.
[2] 大哥: Big brother. Or how one refers to a male who is older than them.
[3] 来走后门: Slang for nepotism or using one’s connections to achieve something unfairly.
[4] 菊花: chrysanthemum, also slang for a certain orifice on the lower part of the body.
Characters:
Mo Zha Ta: Real name- Hao Mei. Due to the fact it sounds the same as “Very Beautiful”, his nickname is Meiren shixiong, or Hao Mei shixiong. He was Xiao Nai’s dormmate, a member of the CompSci basketball team, an employee at Zhi Yi Technologies, and one of the three Da Shen of programming.
KO: His real name is unknown. He is a famous black hat hacker. Currently an employee of Zhi Yi Technologies and is also one of the three Da Shen of programming.
Yu Gong Pa Shan: His real name is Yu Ban Shan. Xiao Nai’s dormmate, a member of Compsci’s backetball team and an employee at Zhi Yi Technologies.
Bei Wei Wei: Da Shen Xiao Nai’s wife, a noted flower at UA. Her favourite game is 《Dreams of Jianghu》
Xiao Nai: Wei Wei’s husband. Noted “grass” of UA. [1] All around genius. He already founded a company called “Zhi Yi Technologies” when he was in university and, together with Feng Teng Corporation, started to develop 《Dreams of Jianghu 2》. In the outtakes, he is called laosan.
1 Cohabitation
Yi Gong had lived together in the same dorm as Mo Zha Ta for four years and it was only today that he found that this guy actually was rich.
All this started when Yu Gong went to Mo Zha Ta’s office to find some food. Mo Zha Ta was busy and carelessly said: “There’s crackers in the drawer, get it yourself.”
The result was that when Yu Gong opened the drawer, he didn’t see any crackers. What he did see on the very top was a buyer’s contract. Yu Gong’s eyes widened as he took it out for a look and inhaled in shock. Kao! There were two of them! The one on the top was for an unfinished apartment, about 180 meters squared. The closing date was next year. The papers under that was for a move-in-ready home, about a hundred square meters, two bedrooms, two living rooms. The location was first-rate and the furnishings were luxurious.
The two apartments together would cost nearly ten million and they were paid for through a one-time cash deposit. At the very bottom where the buyer’s signature should be, there was Mo Zha Ta’s real name –– Hao Mei.
Perhaps it was that Yu Gong’s expression was over-exaggerated. A certain fellow employee that was passing by was attracted and came over to take a look. Whoa! Shocked too.
And to no one’s surprise, all the single men in the company were shocked. Mo Zha Ta suddenly became a rat caught crossing the street. Yu Gong, with a broken heart, shook him relentlessly: “Mei ge, say something, say something. Why didn’t you take me along when you robbed a bank?!”
The other co-workers were also really hurt: “Hao Mei ge, do you have anything left from winning the lottery? Buy us an apartment too!”
“Hao Mei ge, what was a rich person like you hiding in the middle of our league of proletariats for!”
Yu Gong’s anger rose came straight from his heart: “When we were studying, you kept on pretending to be poor. You borrowed so many fifty dollars from me!”
“Did you think I wanted to? I was really poor!” Mo Zha Ta was on the verge of fainting from Yu Gong’s shaking. He struggled free, “Laozi (I) secretly put in my request for UA Compsci after the higher education exams, and not for the management at UZ that my father wanted. My father only gave me six hundred a month for living expenses. I’m still regretful. If I knew that Bei Jing had sandstorms and laosan, I wouldn’t have come!”
Xiao Nai, who was coming over to maintain order, stopped when he heard that he was relegated to the same category as sandstorms. He stayed to one side and took out his cellphone to broadcast live to Wei Wei.
Mo Zha Ta was forced by the mob towards the corner and had to yell: “Stop pushing, I’ll take you guys to dinner! To dinner!”
After work, Mei ge took his little wallet and resentfully took everyone to eat seafood. Other than Xiao Nai who had other things and did go, everybody else from the company went. The attack was very strong. When they were eating, Mo Zha Ta had to surrender the truth: “My parents came to visit last week. I didn’t want to go back home so before they left they helped me buy so I could find a wife.”
It would have been better if he hadn’t said anything. The rage that had settled as people ate seafood started to burn again.
“Kao, why buy two apartments? You want to get two wives?”
Mo Zha Ta -_-|||
Seeing that the mob was reforming in the room, Mo Zha Ta suddenly found evil inspiration that would allow them to fight among themselves. He pretended to have suddenly remembered, “Oh right, I almost forgot. The apartment I’m living in now still has a free room. Who wants to move in? I don’t take rent.”
Everybody stilled and then yelled together: “Me!!!”
That turned out very loud. Mo Zha Ta’s hand shook and he almost threw away his oyster. “That room is a bit small, it can only hold one person. You guys … …”
He purposefully looked around as if he was in a dilemma.
Hou Zi Jiu, who had come over to eat at the rich person’s expense, grabbed his hand: “Brother, we’ve lived together for four years. You can’t abandon me now.”
Yu Gong shoved him aside: “Get lost. You graduate students have residences. Laozi has showered together with Mei ge. You can’t compare to me!”
Co-worker A: “Yu Gong, you have to think clearly. In the future when you find a girlfriend, and you take her home, kao, wouldn’t she get won over by Mei ge’s apartment.”
Yu Gong shamelessly said: “That’s perfect. Laozi and my niangzi will spend our whole life mooching off Mei ge.”
Everybody was defeated by him. “That’s vicious.”
A certain co-worker from the art department started sniggering: “Look at this mess of relationships! Mei ge, how many green hats have you put on KO’s head?”
Everybody was reminded of Hao Mei ge and KO’s “martial” status and turned to look at KO, who hadn’t spoke at all. He was sitting on the inside corner, silently cracking open a crab, his eyes not looking up even a bit.
Mo Zha Ta coughed once and twisted the leaning tower back: “Anyways, we’re all brothers. I’d feel bad whoever I let come over. ~~~Oh, you guys decide. Just tell me the result.”
Everybody’s attention left KO’s side and a new round of discussion and mutual criticism began. The mob instantly turned into an internal struggle. Mo Zha Ta took the chance and started eating furiously, feeling incomparably good.
After eating through such a mess, it was time to pay the bill. The waitress smiled and stood at Mo Zha Ta’s side: “Thank you for your patronage, the total is … … yuan”
The co-workers jumped in fright: “This expensive?”
Of course, seafood was never going to be cheap, but they didn’t think it was this expensive. Mo Zha Ta was the one that took them here, they didn’t know the prices beforehand.
Under the guilty faces of everybody else, Mo Zha Ta gracefully swiped his card and signed. He then sighed lightly: “After being low-key for so long, laozi has almost forgotten was it was when I could spend money like dirt.”
The guilt immediately dissipated. Everybody was struck by lightning. Of course, there were exceptions. A certain somebody stared with starry eyes at Hao Mei ge: “Rich person. That motion of swiping, it’s not Mei ge (Brother Mei), it’s obviously Mei shao (Young Master Mei)!”
After seafood, Mei shao took everybody to karaoke. The crowd partied until midnight before leaving.
The second day was a Saturday. Mo Zha Ta had been planning to sleep until noon. Who knew that at nine in the morning, the doorbell rang. Mo Zha Ta muttered as he went to open the door. Who could it be? Security? The neighbors? He just moved over so nobody should know where he lived.
Opening the door, he found the person standing outside was ––
KO?
Was he still asleep?
“KO?” Mo Zha Ta said in shock, “Why are you here?”
KO’s face was expressionless. He raised his right hand which was holding two large plastic bags, “To go through the back door.” [3]
“Ah?” Mo Zha Ta looked in bewilderment at the fish tail that appeared out of the plastic bag. KO walked past him, straight to the kitchen and surveyed one round before returning.
“You’re kitchen has nothing.”
“Da ge [2], I just moved in a few days ago.”
KO moved without speaking towards the living room. He opened the computer, then opened Word and started to type. After a while, the printer spat out a piece of paper.
KO handed it to Mo Zha Ta: “Change clothes, go to the market, buy according to the paper.”
Mo Zha Ta looked down at the items on the paper ––frying pan, flat pan, rice cooker, purple earthenware pot, spatula, oven, microwave, electric baking pan, soy sauce, chicken stock … … etcetera, etcetera.
Mo Zha Ta swallowed his saliva and raised his head to stare at KO as though he was an alien.
“You know how to cook?”
KO replied confidently: “Expert.”
Mo Zha Ta was shocked.
“I’m going?”
KO nodded.
“What about you?”
“Washing vegetables.”
“Oh.” Mo Zha Ta stared silently at the white page for half a beat, “What is an electric baking pan? What shape of spatula do you want me to buy? Wooden or metal or not stainless steel?”
“… …” KO: “I’ll go with you.”
Mo Zha Ta carried his little wallet and walked with KO to the nearby supermarket. With KO there, purchasing was very quick. Then they hired a delivery service to carry the food up to the apartment.
After the delivery person left.
“The spatulas have to be washed since they were just brought. It’s going to be a bit slow today.” KO raised his hand to look at the watch on his wrist, “Go play games. Come out in two hours to eat.”
Mo Zha Ta looked at his back as he walked into the kitchen. He decided to go back to sleep. When he really wakes up, maybe KO would have disappeared. This seemed a bit too much of a fantasy.
Even though he still felt he was dreaming, but after two hours, Mo Zha Ta still appeared promptly in the dining room. When he saw something similar to dishes appear seemingly out of nowhere on the table, he couldn’t help but swallow.
Water fish, fried nian gao and crab, egg yolk chicken wings, green peppers and potato fries, fried mushrooms … … it was all the things he liked to eat! Mo Zha Ta was preparing to rush over without any self-respect when KO came out wearing an apron carrying two bowls of rice, “Wash your hands.”
Mo Zha Ta looked longingly back as he went to wash. After scrubbing twice, he came out, sat down at the table and eat two wings in the blink of the eye. KO asked: “Is it good?”
“Hm, vary gud!” Mo Zha Ta replied with his mouth full. He took over half a crab, “KO, you are too virtuous, you even know how to cook.”
“Before coming to the company, my actual profession was a chef.”
Mo Zha Ta stopped chewing on his crab leg and looked at him with two eyes open wide.
Chef? He suddenly remembered that this person was one of the top blackhats in the country. So, when he was being a black hat, his actual job was making food as a chef?!
It seemed too unreal!
After meeting Xiao Nai, Mo Zha Ta’s self-respect after being first in the province had already been bruised. Now, after another devastating attack once again: “You, what university did you graduate from?”
MD, now he was reduced to finding self-respect from his university. He didn’t believe that there was a better school than UA.
“Nine years of compulsory education.”
Ah?
KO looked at Mo Zha Ta’s face that was filled withconfusion, and explained calmly: “When I was fourteen, there was nobody else left in my family. I had no money so I couldn’t study anymore.”
Mo Zha Ta was very embarrassed. He seemed to have asked something that he shouldn’t have. He wanted to comfort him but he wasn’t the comforting type so he could only say: “You’re very strong now, and much better off than those of us from famous universities. Even though you lost to laosanbefore, it definitely wasn’t that you weren’t as good as him, it was just that you are a much better person than he is.”
KO looked at him silently for a while and then said: “I know.”
Mo Zha Ta couldn’t help but be depressed. Really, I was just being courteous. Why were you so serious?
Half an hour later, all the plates were empty. Mo Zha Ta rubbed his round stomach as he leaned back in his chair and burped in satisfaction.
“I’ve decided to move in.” KO said from the other side of the table.
“Ah? Hic~~~” Mo Zha Ta’s blood was all concentrated in his stomach. His brain couldn’t respond.
“I’ll do the cooking.”
“… …”
“I’ll do the dishes.”
“… …”
“I’ll wash the floors.”
“… …”
“I’ll do the laundry.”
“… …”
“I’ll do everything.”
KO looked once at a certain somebody who was still lifeless and added suggestively: “Do you want me to move in?”
Mo Zha Ta started to cry: “Yes.”
Negotiations only took one round! KO nodded and went into the kitchen to start doing the dishes.
In the middle of a certain night not too far off in the future, Mo Zha Ta was pressed to the bed, stripped bare and eaten bite by bite. After it was over, when he covered his butt and started to swear, KO calmly lit up a cigarette and said: “I already told you on the first day I came over, you didn’t say no.”
Mo Zha Ta stared furiously: “When did you?”
KO: “Do you still remember, what was the first then I said?”
“Who would remember … …” Even though he said that, but the brain of high quality UA students weren’t for decoration. Mo Zha Ta thought back quickly and remembered.
He remembered. That day after opening the door, he had asked: “Why are you here?”
KO … … … … … … … …
Seemed to have replied: “To go through the back door.”
Kao!!!
“Finally remembered?” KO extinguished his cigarette and pressed it into the ashtray beside the bed: “I said it again after that.”
Mo Zha Ta couldn’t remember this time for the life of him. “What time?”
“I said~ cooking, washing the floor, laundry … … I’ll do everything.”
Mo Zha Ta tensed under his stare. He was on the verge of going crazy: “What’s wrong with that sentence?!!!”
On the other size of the gaze, it was KO, still using a calm tone of voice, who said: “I’ll do everything, including you.”
“… …”