Chapter 110: Life is Short, Enjoy it While You Can
“Eldest princess is so certain that Consort Zhao will die?”
Just was Xianzong was ready to leap up in rage again, Junior Master Fenglin’s voice carried over to the covered walkway. There were faint traces of amusement in the tone, which sounded as placid as water.
Xianzong and Yu Xiaoxiao both stared at the potted flowers in the courtyard instead, their manners and expressions identical. One had to admit that these two were really father and daughter. As Junior Master Fenglin leisurely entered the courtyard, he glanced at Yu Xiaoxiao before cupping his hands to pay respects to Xianzong. “Fenglin greets Your Majesty.”
Xianzong raised his hand slightly and replied in a polite tone, “No need for formalities, junior master.”
Yu Xiaoxiao told Xianzong, “He couldn’t have come to help your little mistress’s soul pass on, right?”
“Can you shut your mouth?” Xianzong shot back.
By now Junior Master Fenglin had reached the steps leading up the walkway and said in a low voice, “The stench of blood from the room is strong. Looks like Consort Zhao’s state has reached an urgent point.”
Yu Xiaoxiao spoke up before Xianzong had a chance. “How did you know that Consort Zhao’s sick?”
Junior Master Fenglin leveled a look at Yu Xiaoxiao. “Did Your Royal Highness not want me to know?”
Well dang, what kind of logic is that?
Yu Xiaoxiao chewed on her lip. Was there anything for her to hide about Consort Zhao’s illness? As an outsider from the apocalypse with no moral code, Her Royal Highness soon went outside the realms of normal reasoning as she stared at Junior Master Fenglin’s spotless robes with a chuckle.
Hearing this, Xianzong’s heart gave a jolt. Without a thought, he moved to muffle his daughter’s mouth. Or at least he tried, but how could someone of Yu Xiaoxiao’s skills allow him to do that? She swerved out of the way as Xianzong’s hand met air, then told Junior Master Fenglin, “Why are you so interested in Consort Zhao? Do you two know each other? You run over as soon as she’s sick, but you’ve only been here a few days. How did you get involved with the beauty Zhao so soon? She’s not just bleeding from any place right now, you know.” So speaking, Her Royal Highness gave a very meaningful look towards Junior Master Fenglin’s nether regions.
When this body had belonged to the cruel female emperor, this man had rarely copulated with his royal spouse on the bed. He always remained chaste and undefiled, but who knew he had normal desires too? “Tsk tsk,” Yu Xiaoxiao clicked her tongue. Is this what they call ‘don’t judge by appearances?’
Junior Master Fenglin could still restrain himself in front of Yu Xiaoxiao’s words, but her actions and estimation of him under public eye destroyed his calm and made his hairs stand on end, too.
“Nothing else to say?” Yu Xiaoxiao said, her eyes still stuck on Junior Master Fenglin’s crotch. “So you like types like Consort Zhao’s, ah.” No wonder the cruel female emperor treated him so well in her last life. All that devotion and she never warmed his heart, because it wasn’t a matter of love at stake, but preferences!
“You,” Junior Master Fenglin began. He never thought he’d be so humiliated in his lifetime! No matter how much learning and ability he possessed, he found himself at a loss for words. Everyone else in the courtyard was silent as well. This was the first time they were even controlling their breathing to small sounds. Better to play dead at a time like this. The princess is too brave in seeking death, we commoners can only watch and observe.
My–my Holy Grandfather in Heaven! Xianzong’s temper had completely dissipated. He wasn’t even angry about his beloved consort being accused as a red plum tree jutting out its branches. Looking at his daughter, he wanted to cry but had no tears. Does she desperately want to die? That’s the junior master of Eternal Life Temple, ah! The junior master! You’re accusing him of having illicit relations with a married woman?! Why do you have to seek death so hard ahhhHHHHHhhhHHH!
Yu Xiaoxiao asked Xianzong, “Shouldn’t we find Eternal Life Temple and their whachamacallit master to seek justice?” In the apocalypse, it didn’t matter who you slept with, but that didn’t seem the case over here.
“Your Royal Highness,” Junior Master Fenglin began after a breath, his gaze cold. “Why must you slander me? Consort Zhao is your imperial father’s noble consort. Where are you putting him in your eyes with such words?”
Yu Xiaoxiao replied, “My imperial father’s got plenty of women besides this one. At the worst, we’ll just give her to you.”
So Her Royal Highness really does detest Consort Zhao, ah, the onlookers thought to themselves. She’s even giving away Consort Zhao on His Majesty’s behalf now ahhh~ That’s a noble consort, not some little court lady!
“That’s not it,” Xianzong ran to stand in front of Yu Xiaoxiao. “Linglong drank wine today, so she’s saying drunken words. I ask that junior master forgive her.”
Junior Master Fenglin stood with his eyebrows creased.
Xianzong thought it over, then added, “Linglong hasn’t read many books, so please don’t treat her on the same level, junior master.”
“The books I’ve read–” Yu Xiaoxiao wanted to clear her own name. It wasn’t that she hadn’t read enough books, but that she’d just shown up here. She still needed time to acclimatize to the culture, alright?! Is it really okay to discriminate against outsiders like this?!
“Be quiet,” Xianzong grabbed Yu Xiaoxiao’s hand and muttered, “Give your imperial father a way out, will you?”
“Is the Eternal Life Temple that stronk?”1 Yu Xiaoxiao asked.
Stronk wasn’t a term Xianzong had heard of before, but he understood her general meaning. “What are we supposed to do if Great Master Mo Wen2 leads the armies of five nations against us? Wait for the nation to perish?”
Yu Xiaoxiao rubbed her chin and muttered back, “It won’t be because you want to never age or die?”
Xianzong rolled his eyes at his daughter. “Zhen knew the empress shouldn’t have taken you to pray to Buddha. Never age or die? Where’s your imperial mother now, hm?”
“Whaa?”
“Life is short,” Xianzong gave Yu Xiaoxiao a pained look, “So you have to enjoy it while you can, Zhen’s daughter, ah!”
Xianzong had no pressure saying he’d rather live a hedonistic life until he died. Yu Xiaoxiao didn’t find his view reprehensible either, since she thought that was better than wishing to live forever everyday. “Imperial father,” Yu Xiaoxiao said, “I realized that a person like you has his bright points too.”
“Can you say something Zhen will understand?” Xianzong complained. “Is Zhen a firefly? Will I give off light?”
Yu Xiaoxiao immediately dismissed the idea. “You’re stronger than the fireflies. Don’t forget you’re the emperor.”
Who’s the one that doesn’t treat me as an emperor in the first place? Xianzong was at a loss.
Jing Zhong coughed a few times behind Xianzong. You father and daughter are just chatting while Eternal Life Temple’s junior master is still standing around. Is that really alright?
Yu Xiaoxiao turned to looked at Jing Zhong and said, “If you’re sick, go back and take some medicine.”
Jing Zhong’s face grew stiff.
Junior Master Fenglin was now forcing a smile. “Your Majesty, I want to see Esteemed Consort Zhao.”
“Oh!” Yu Xiaoxiao looked at Xianzong. He’s being so brazen. As a man, can you still take it?
Xianzong’s face twitched before he said, “Junior master wants to see Consort Zhao?”
Junior Master Fenglin replied, “Hasn’t Consort Zhao fallen ill? I believe I can treat her sickness.”
“You’re a doctor?” Yu Xiaoxiao was surprised. This bastard, just how many things did he hide from the cruel female emperor in the previous timeline?
- The original term used here is 牛叉 niucha, literally “ox fork,” which is slang for “really awesome.” A lot of modern Chinese slang nowadays use 牛 (ox) to signify something outstanding. I took creative liberties to get an, um, English equivalent!
- Leader of Eternal Life Temple and Fenglin’s superior.