Chapter 34: Chapter 34 – Proposal, Part 1

Na AhJung

The place where Lee JiHan’s car had arrived was the most well-known theater on College Street. I wondered if we were going to go see a play. JiHan parked his car in the underground structure and pulled me out of the car. Then with his hands in mine, he walked us to the elevator.

“What’s going on? You’re not thinking of taking me to see a play when I’m dressed like this, are you?” I asked as I was pulled forward. JiHan pressed the 1st-floor button of the elevator and stood next to me.

The first floor. The first floor where the lobby is. I cringed as I imagined all the people that would be there.

“Are you serious! I’m going to go see a play? Me, like this?”

JiHan looked at me calmly. “How could that possibly be an outfit to see a play? It’s more like an outfit to be in one.”

“Then, why are we here—” The elevator door opened before I could finish.

“No!” I hid behind JiHan, grabbing his waist and burying my face in his back.

For those few seconds, I closed my eyes and desperately tried to find a way out. If I refused to get out, the elevator would take us back to the parking lot. Or I could borrow JiHan’s jacket to hide my dress…

“If you’re going to give me a back hug, you should do it properly,” JiHan quipped.

My eyes snapped open as his words interrupted my thoughts. “What? This isn’t a back hug?”

I stumbled backward as I released him instantaneously. Jihan turned around to face me, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the elevator. Just like that, I found myself standing in the lobby but strangely, it was empty. Not just the lobby, but my entire surroundings seemed to be devoid of any living souls.

“What is this? Why is there no one here?”

If there was no one I could see, that meant that there was no one here to see me as well. Relaxing, I looked around comfortably not feeling the need to cover up my wedding dress. JiHan pulled me forward. When he opened the door, I found that the auditorium was also empty.

“Um, are you sure there is a play going on today?” I asked Lee JiHan quizzically.

“We didn’t come here to see a play,” he said, his attention on the stage.

“Then what?”

Silence.

I asked again, but JiHan just stood there looking up at the stage so I stared at the stage too. It had been set up to mimic a luxurious restaurant. I thought it strange to have such a lovely set when no one was here. While I was trying to wrap my head around it, JiHan pulled me over toward the scene.

We climbed up on the stage, and I found that the candles on the table were lit with real fire. The table, utensils, and food were real as well. Everything was set up for a real dinner.

“Let’s sit. It’s almost dinner time.” JiHan sat me at the table in the middle of the stage then sat across from me.

Sitting there, I stared at the plates full of food in front of me.

“This was all catered from a restaurant and sent here to match our arrival time,” JiHan said.

“Was that necessary? Why bother with all this here…” I blinked in confusion.

At my reaction, Lee JiHan stared straight into my eyes. “Because I want to give you the perfect confession of my feelings,” he said.

“Ah, a confession. What you did back there…”

Wait, he did…he did?!” My eyes became huge as I remembered how JiHan had confessed back at the dress shop. But he shook his head as if to say that was not the real thing.

“I’m not the type to just glance over the situation as if on a whim,” he assured me strongly. He picked up his knife and fork. “First, let’s eat.”

“Eat? Are you going to eat now? Now?”

He causes an emotional earthquake and he wants to eat?

JiHan answered casually as he continued to cut his food. “It’s time to eat now. My very detailed and thought out plan’s first scene is dinner.”

“First scene? Exactly how many scenes are there?”

“Eat. Then we can move on to the next one.”

He poked a piece of meat with his fork and placed it in his mouth. With a calm and unhurried demeanor, his gaze locked onto me.

Wow…is that the expression of someone ready to confess? I was at a loss for words due to the surreality of the whole situation when Jihan swallowed and began to speak.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“Because I’ll probably get indigestion if I eat now.”

“Then at least pretend to eat.”

“What?”

“Look to your left.” JiHan pointed with his fork.

I followed its direction and saw the large auditorium filled with seats. It was ten times as big as the small theater in which I’d performed. Maybe even 20 times bigger. It even had a second story. I stared bitterly at the luxurious interior of the clean auditorium, there probably wasn’t a single bug.

When I was younger, I had no greater wish than to perform at a place like this. It had taken a long time to come to terms with the fact that something like that would never happen for someone like me. I was only able to accept it after many trials and failures. Once I’d reached my thirties, I’d let the dream die.

“Na AhJung, you’re on stage now.” JiHan’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“What?”

“The audience is watching you. So as your part implies, you have to at least pretend to eat.” JiHan watched me intently.

“But…there’s no one in the audience?” I answered, checking the large space again.

“I’m sure there’s at least one ghost floating around.”

“What?”

“You may not be able to see it, but you shouldn’t just disregard it. Even if only one ghost is watching, you should do your best as a professional actress.”

“That’s…true, but—”

“Eating the meal I’ve prepared for you. That’s the first scene of Na AhJung’s part. Go,” JiHan commanded.

I grabbed the knife and fork as the sound of a whistle went off in my head. Then I put a large piece of meat inside my mouth. As I chewed and swallowed the meat, JiHan spoke with a pleased expression on his face.

“You are indeed a pro. Coincidentally, my next line corresponds exactly to this very situation.”

“Next line? What’s that?” I asked.

JiHan placed his chin atop his hands. “Na AhJung, you are the most beautiful when you are acting on stage.”

“What?”

“The first time I fell in love with you was when you were acting on stage.” JiHan smiled discreetly as if enjoying a flashback. “You can continue along this path. It’s not too late. The words my brother said to you after seeing your play. The moment I wanted to say those words to you. That’s when it all started.”

His flashback must have ended because JiHan removed his chin from his hands, folded them together on the table, and continued with a serious look on his face.

“I, of course, know that you are in love with my brother and not me because the words you so wanted to hear came from my brother first. If I saw you first, then I would have said it first, but unfortunately, my brother beat me to it.”

No. JiKyung never said those words to me. Those words…Lee JiHan was the first to say those words to me. Unable to reveal this secret, I sat there staring mutely at JiHan. He nodded as if he understood my reaction.

“I know it’s going to be difficult for you to accept me so suddenly. Especially because my brother is returning in two weeks and your wedding is in a month. To break off the wedding and ask you to come to me, your fiancé’s brother probably doesn’t make any sense to you.”

I stared in silence.

“It will only make sense if you love me back,” JiHan said and stared at me intently. “I’ve thought deeply about what I would need to do to make that happen, and I prepared for it.”

I was still dumbstruck.

“Now it’s your turn to stand up, go to the table next to us and bring over the box.” Like the director of a play, Jihan directed my next actions.

I did as I was told. I stood up and walked to the table beside us. On the table was a small box that looked like a ring case. I picked up the box and returned to the table. It couldn’t be a ring, could it? Am I scared, or hopeful? My heartbeat confusedly.

“Sit down and open it.”

At Lee JiHan’s words, I sat and carefully opened the top. Inside was not a ring but a gold-colored USB stick.

“What is it?” A USB stick. Not knowing what that was all about, I looked to Lee JiHan for an answer.

“The playwright Noh HeeChul wrote a comic play with you as the female lead.”

“What?”

“It’s not completed yet, but the basic synopsis is on there.”

“What?”

“Once it’s completed, you will be its leading actress. The part was made to fit you specifically. Only you can be successful in portraying it.”

“What??”

“And it will be performed in this theater.”

“What?!”

“How many times are you going to say ‘what?'”

“…what?”

Lee JiHan looked discontent as he watched me with crossed arms. Then, as if hypnotizing himself, he shook his head and spoke again.

“Never mind. This is the really important point so just shut your mouth and listen.”

I almost asked ‘what’ again reflexively so I blocked my mouth with my hands. Then, looking at Lee Jihan, I nodded. He calmly continued while looking deeply into my eyes.

“If you come to me, Na AhJung, you can keep going on this path. For you, it isn’t too late and you will succeed. I will go with you, I believe in you. My brother may have been the first to tell you your worth, but I’m the only person that will think and act accordingly to make it work out for you,” JiHan concluded with confidence in his eyes. Relaxing a little, he smiled.

“So, put down that hand, and come to me,” he told me, pointing at my hands.

As if announcing the end of his detailed and thought out plan of a confession, he sat there pleased. Now all I had to do was respond, but I didn’t respond or do anything. My body seemed to have forgotten how to put down my hands from my mouth. How to breathe. I wasn’t sure if this was a dream or not. Time stood still.

***

I sat unmoving for a long time after the confession. I wasn’t able to give JiHan an answer. Unlike me, Lee JiHan was not frozen. He was not only calm but kept his sophisticated composure as he continued to eat as if this was all perfectly normal.

Even after dinner, when we went back to his car. Even when we arrived home. I was just a frozen statue that Lee JiHan was carrying around with him.

Once he sat me in my room, I reflexively grabbed hold of my teddy bear and embraced it. Then I looked up at JiHan. He always looked pleased every time I sat hugging the bear, and he smiled again. He’s not acting differently at all? Is this a dream? Did I dream that Lee JiHan confessed to me? Did I fall asleep while I was eating? Wouldn’t it make more sense if it was a dream?

As I doubted the situation, JiHan grabbed my shoulder and lowered his gaze to match mine.

“If you’re thinking it over because of my brother, then you will finish with that thought today. This is your life’s path to happiness. You might love my brother right now but you will eventually come to love me because there are plenty of reasons to! You will think about my brother one last time today and starting tomorrow, you will only think about me.”

Oh, it’s not a dream. I thought to myself, feeling Lee JiHan’s hand on my shoulder. But why does it still feel like a dream? My brain felt all hazy as if it was a dream. I slid my hand under the teddy bear and pinched my leg. Huh, it doesn’t hurt? A wave of disappointment swept over me. It is a dream. I looked at my leg sadly and JiHan’s hand disappeared from my shoulder. I lifted my head, certain that this was a dream, but then I saw JiHan at the tea table lifting my diary. He walked over and handed it to me.

“You seem to be out of your wits right now, so pull yourself together, and write in full detail my confession to you today.”

“What?”

“Reminisce about the moment of my confession and write word by word what happened. Then you will realize how great it was.”

Seeing I was still dazed, he lifted the diary above my head and placed it on top.

“Once you write the entry, you will realize that it’s not a dream.” He turned and headed to the door.

“Wait!” As I called for him, Lee JiHan turned his head. “The diary…diary,” I said dazedly. “I don’t think I can write properly in this state.”

JiHan turned back, wondering what I was babbling about. As if I was sleep talking, I asked him for a favor.

“That confession…can you do it again?”

***

JiHan turned on the recording function on his cellphone and confessed his feelings again. When he finally left the room, I sat alone at the desk, transcribing each word of the recording into my diary.

If you come to me, Na AhJung, you can keep going on this path. For you, it isn’t too late and you will succeed. I will go with you, I believe in you. My brother may have been the first to tell you your worth, but I’m the only person that will think and act accordingly to make it work out for you.

I wrote each word of the repeated confession with diligence. When I closed the diary upon completion, I finally understood that it had all been real. Lee JiHan had confessed his feelings to me. Lee JiHan liked me. This was not a dream. What in the world? How does this make sense? Why me? What do I have to offer? At the realization of the confession’s reality, I questioned its validity with my sad truths, and the recording answered my imposing questions.

When you finish writing in your diary today, reread it from the 1st page. Every time you turn each page, look at your pictures up there. The audio stopped after that point. It felt like the suggestion held some deep importance, so I quickly reopened the diary. I read one page, then looked up at the pictures. Then I read another and looked again at the pictures. As I did this, I began to see myself from JiHan’s perspective.

In his eyes, I must have looked beautiful…

I nodded looking at the pictures. Then I lowered my gaze to the diary once again.

And that’s why he treated me that way

I read and nodded.

I can understand it now. I can!

I suddenly stopped my nodding. Oh my, I must be insane? Am I this vain? Those pictures were taken by a professional photographer. Even if we handed him a pumpkin, he could transform it into a watermelon. That’s the type of person who took those pictures! Even if it is me, of course, the pictures look pretty! Na AhJung, wake up! That’s not the real you! You can’t be that beautiful!

I stood up from my bed and headed to the full-length mirror. I stood in front of it and stared at the reflection. I realized two things at that point. One was that I was still wearing the wedding dress and the other…

I look pretty??

The other was that in my eyes, I realized that I did look beautiful.

Really! It’s true!

My reflection had on an expression that looked as if she couldn’t believe it, so I shook back and forth in the mirror. I let go after the relentless shaking and found my reflection smiling wide. So wide I thought my eyes would disappear and my lips would rip apart. Has there ever been a moment I’ve looked so happy? No. However much I tried to remember, in my 33 years of my life, I’d never seen my face make that expression.

I lowered my gaze and put my hand over my heart. It was pounding so hard, it felt as if it would penetrate my skin. It told me to run, run and confess my feelings as well. My heart was relentless. It told me to tell JiHan that I liked him too.

“Yes! I’m going to hold onto him!” I yelled and headed to the door.

But then, my phone sitting on the desk pinged. A text message had arrived. What is it? Is it Lee JiHan? Does he have something else to say? I froze for a moment then went quickly to the desk to check the message. It was not JiHan who had sent the message.

It was JiKyung.