Chapter 35: Chapter 35 – Proposal, Part 2

[Did you go wedding dress shopping today? Did you pick the one you like?]

I felt like I had been flying over the clouds and suddenly been struck by lightning. My heart stopped and my stomach dropped. I collapsed onto the floor in despair.

[I’m curious. Show me a picture.]

I sighed heavily as I saw the incoming text, but another text came through at that same moment.

[I am the groom, so I think I should be the first to see my bride’s wedding dress. Don’t you think?]

No, I don’t think that. Some other guy saw it first…but that guy is your brother. I covered my face with both hands. Why, when my wedding day was fast approaching, did I fall in love for the first time…with my fiancé’s brother! I’ve lost it. I’m completely insane.

I shook my head, hating myself, but then suddenly stopped. I turned my head to the full-length mirror.

“But how could I not like him?” I asked myself out loud.

I couldn’t see my expression in the mirror properly, but I stood up and started conversing with my pictures on the wall.

“He sees me like this, and—” I grabbed the diary and pushed it in front of the mirror. “He treats me like this! I’ve never had a man treat me like this! How could I not fall for him? Plus, JiHan knows I’m going to marry his brother, but he still says he likes me! He likes me that much!”

Thinking that it wasn’t fair, I fell to the floor like a kite whose string had been cut.

“Yeah, he likes me even though he thinks this marriage is real…when in reality he’s being fooled,” I mumbled.

I was fooling JiHan into thinking that I love his brother and that is why I’m marrying him. I remembered all the times I had acted in front of him, pretending this. JiHan thinks that’s the truth…what do I do? It had not been for love, but money. I was a scam artist who went into a contract wedding worth $500,000. If Lee JiHan knew this, would he still love me? Even if I’m this scam artist, a liar? No, he wouldn’t abandon me…

I pulled at my hair in frustration. The marriage with his brother, the love for his brother, if he found out that this was all a lie, JiHan would take everything back. No, he would destroy me. Of course, he would.

You might love my brother right now but you will eventually come to me. His words brought tears to my eyes. Even if I don’t love his brother, I’m not able to go to him.

I hung my head, trying to resist tears. I hadn’t realized it but my diary and phone lay on the ground as if I’d dropped them. I stared at them.

Well. Now I’ve lost both of them. Now I can’t even go to JiKyung. Knowing Lee JiHan had these feelings for me, I wouldn’t be able to marry his brother. I can’t do that. That will be a horrible thing to do.

I lowered my head, crying. I wiped the tears streaming down my face with the back of my palm and was about to dry it off on my clothes when I realized that I was wearing an expensive wedding dress.

Ah, this is expensive! I’m going to return it! I removed my hand from the dress before it was too late. Luckily, I didn’t get any tears on it. Where could I wipe it off? I held my hands up awkwardly, looking around. As I did so, I took a good look at all the things in my room. This was the first time I had my own room, personal space. I had never been worthy of having such a thing. I was not worthy of this room or JiHan’s heart.

I lowered my head guiltily. Letting my hand dry on its own, I looked at the diary on the floor. Yes. In that diary, I was a horrible person. I had lied to the person who had treated me with such sincerity for the first time in my life. I was not worthy to receive all the love I had in that diary. I started to cry again, hating myself.

Oh, I shouldn’t…I have to return this dress. I can’t get it wet. I caught the tears that fell down my cheeks with my hands. Then looking around, I saw the tissues on top of the vanity. I should change out of my dress and just cry in peace.

I tried desperately to stop the tears and was determined not to get a single tear on the dress as I took it off. I convinced myself that I had to confess my sins to Lee JiHan. Even if it was for the last time, I wanted to tell him the truth just once, as he had with me. Let’s tell him the truth about my feelings and receive the punishment. I couldn’t let him continue to like me with the lie hanging over my head. My life was always like this. The reward for doing the best I could never seem to come, but the punishment was already standing and ready to be delivered.

With this mindset, I kneeled in front of Lee JiHan’s bedroom door and waited until he came out. I didn’t know if he had left it on all night, or if he had already woken up and turned it on, but out of his room came the sound of music. The familiar melody of Canon hit my ear. When Canon stopped, I put my hands over my knees and clenched them tightly. Then biting my lips, I waited anxiously.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Even after having cried all night, my eyes started to water again, but I quickly rubbed them and swallowed my tears. As I put down my hands, the door burst open.

Suddenly filled with fear, I closed my eyes. After a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked up. Lee JiHan looked down at me, startled.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” he asked.

“I have something to confess,” I said as calmly as I could, mustering all the bravery I had.

“Do you have to do it in that particular position? Are you waiting for the death penalty?”

“I’m not able to say I don’t deserve it,” I mumbled.

“Not able to say you don’t deserve it?” JiHan narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Did you lose the USB I gave you yesterday?”

“What? No, it’s not that.”

“Are you sure?” JiHan asked me as he pulled out the gold USB from his pants pocket. “You left this at the theater yesterday after I confessed. You looked a bit frazzled then so I collected it for you. Did you not even realize that you’d lost it?” He handed me the USB, looking worried about my stone-faced expression.

“I’m sorry about this too,” I said. I hadn’t even confessed my wrongdoing yet and I had already gotten caught with another one.

I received the USB with both hands and stuck it into my pocket. JiHan looked at me with his arms crossed waiting.

“Looking at your reaction, I’m assuming it wasn’t because of the USB. Then what is it? This reason for the death penalty?”

I took another big breath. I squeezed my fist so hard it hurt and opened my mouth to reveal my secret.

“I’m sorry. I…I’ve been lying to you. I’m not marrying JiKyung because I love him.”

“You aren’t marrying him because you love him?”

“Yes. Actually—”

Seeing JiHan’s expression change, I got scared and, unable to stand it any longer, I hung my head in shame. With my eyes closed, I blurted out my confession.

“I’m marrying JiKyung for his money!”

I did it. I can’t take it back now. I continued, knowing there was no turning back.

“I don’t love JiKyung. He asked me to marry him and I just decided to go along with it because of his money.” This was true to a point. I had indeed agreed to marry him to receive the contract money.

Due to my greed, for money, I had decided to marry him. Without love, just for money. So let’s only say this much. If I told JiHan that his brother wanted this fake marriage, it would put JiKyung in a bad position. He doesn’t love me, because he’s gay. Let’s at least make sure that truth doesn’t come out.

I waited for Lee JiHan’s reaction. Soon, I heard his voice.

“Even without loving my brother, you tried that hard to get my approval for the marriage?”

Based on his response, I was unable to decipher JiHan’s feelings on the issue.

“Yes.”

He remained quiet at my answer. Then he asked me an unexpected question.

“But why are you revealing this to me now?”

“What?” I looked up at him in surprise.

JiHan stared at me intently without changing his expression. “You decided to marry my brother for his money and used all your strength to gain my approval. Then shouldn’t you still be clutching onto this opportunity instead of confessing this to me?”

“I don’t want to hold on to this opportunity any longer. I’m giving up on this marriage.”

“Why?”

“After I heard your confession yesterday, I didn’t think I should go on fooling you any more. So—”

“You could have just refused my advances,” JiHan said coldly.

“What?”

“All you had to say was ‘I am in love with your brother, so I can’t accept your feelings for me.’ You could have just rejected me and married my brother as planned. But why are you giving it up?”

“If I do that, then it will make things difficult for you.”

“Why does that matter to you? Me having a hard time doesn’t make my brother’s money disappear. I just can’t seem to understand why you are giving up money because of me.”

“That’s…” I had been determined to tell him everything truthfully, but I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth.

Unable to say anything, I just stared at the ground. JiHan stepped close to me, sighed heavily, then yelled as if he was angry.

“Are you sitting there because you don’t know the answer to that?!”

“What?” Surprised I looked up at Lee JiHan.

He grabbed my shoulder and raised me from the ground. Then he looked me in the eyes and shouted.

“You like me!”

“What?”

“Na AhJung, you like me! Are you not going to say it?!” JiHan insisted shaking me.

“I will, I will! I like you!”

Once I said the words that had been stuck in my throat this whole time, Lee JiHan froze.

“If you had said that a minute later, I might have killed you,” he said with a voice that still held a hint of anger.

It didn’t sound like just words, but a viable threat. I swallowed nervously, but he let go of me. I wasn’t sure if I had confessed or been interrogated. JiHan closed his eyes and let out a great big sigh. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze was relaxed.

“Whether it was for money or love, you still were the person my brother was going to marry.”

I looked at him, unsure of what to say next.

“Marrying my brother would have been more important than my feelings for you, but the fact that you confessed to me means that whatever the reason for the marriage was initially, I’ve become more important to you. You like me so that’s that. I’m content with that.”

JiHan grabbed my shoulder. “The situation has been settled,” he said rather frighteningly. So let’s put a stamp on it.”

“Stamp? I don’t have that here. They’re—”

I had planned to say “they’re at my stepmother’s house,” but before I could get the words out, JiHan’s lips shut me up.

He planted them firmly on mine like a stamp.

***

What in the world? How did my life work out this easily! I can’t believe it! But I want to! No, I will believe it! This is real! It’s not a dream, it’s real!

Like a butterfly reborn out of a cocoon, I scrubbed my body in the bathtub, engraving the memories into my mind. After finishing my bath, I came out refreshed. Suddenly, I heard something that sounded like a whistle.

That’s weird. It sounds like the whistle that Lee JiHan used to blow.

As I stopped and listened, the sound of the whistle disappeared and I heard JiHan’s voice instead.

“I know you’re out of the bathroom. Get in here, quick!”

The whistle blew again.

“Oh, yes! I’m coming!” I called.

Like I had been whipped, I ran towards the sound coming from the kitchen. Lee JiHan was sitting at the table and blowing the whistle. Once he saw me, he stopped.

“Uh, why is that? I thought you threw the whistle away?”

“I bought it while you were taking a bath.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to use it now.”

“What?”

“First, sit.” JiHan pointed at the seat across from him. There was a plate of familiar-looking food laying on the table.

“Isn’t this beef bourguignon?”

“Yes, you gained one point.”

“What?”

“You better be able to guess why I made this. Can you figure it out?”

“That’s…” I contemplated the random question and relayed my deduction. “Because it’s the first meal you made me. That’s why you made it… for me”

“That’s correct. An additional one point.” JiHan clapped twice, then added, “It’s the first day of us officially dating, so I chose the menu accordingly.”

The first day! Fireworks were exploding in my head. I folded my hands together, filled with happiness.

“Then I will eat it like I did the first time!” I said excitedly as I picked up the spoon.

JiHan propped his hand under his chin and observed me. I drenched the meat in the sauce, put it in my mouth, chewed thoughtfully, and swallowed.

“Huh? This tastes different from before,” I said sensing something was off.

At this, JiHan frowned. “That can’t be. It’s the same recipe…”

“It’s different. Way different, it’s even more delicious! How could it be like this? Did you secretly attend a cooking class? How did your skills get even better?”

JiHan smiled at my flamboyant overreaction.

“This girl just gained 100 points in one shot,” he said.

I was curious why he kept keeping points but I didn’t ask. I was too busy eating, and eating, and eating. My mouth didn’t have the luxury of talking.